Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

62 Comments

  1. I feel suicidal and continue to have dark thoughts. I’m a 67 year old widow who is alone. My family has all passed and my isolation from fear and anxiety has caused me to be lonely, bored and scared. I have been to treatment centers, hospitalized, therapy sessions. I have done it all in an effort to overcome my anxiety and depression. I feel so hopeless. I just started a taper from Klonopin. A Nurse Practitioner I was referred to wants me to taper off. I tried to commit suicide twice and ended up in a horrible mental hospital. I never want to be placed in that environment again. I see a therapist but do not tell her that I am suicidal. I feel there is nothing to look forward to, but suffering from the taper and post acute withdrawal symptoms. I don’t know what to do. I have no life anymore. I’m a prisoner of my mind. It’s a terrible place to be and no one understands. I can understand why people take their lives due to benzos. I have been on benzos 40 years. I tried to get off before and suffered horrific withdrawal symptoms landing me in hospital psych ward. I wanted to let someone know how I feel. I am terrified.

  2. All these stories sound very familiar. I was on 3 Lorazapam for just over a year for hypertension in conjunction with Ambien (Zolpidem). I did a 6 month taper by doing 1/8 th down a week and was also tapering Hydrocodone for an operation I had. I was restless, having difficulty sleeping, working, thinking, communicating and was thinking of how to jump off this planet. I wanted out and didn’t even have it as bad as some. I didn’t tell my doctor that I was tapering because of the stories of him changing the prescription down fast and I being without my own schedule. I was constantly devising ways to off myself. I never did however and am one of the lucky ones I guess. Its been a year and I can’t work as much, organize my thoughts and believe I have dementia relating back to Benzo use. I think of all the people suffering exhaustively and without much help. so far we are all left alone to work through this if we can.

  3. This is the biggest crock of sh!t I ever read. You know not of what you speak. Where are your citations?

    1. The citations are the death certificates from each individual, as well as their documented long term fight with benzo withdrawal. These people represent many more that have walked through the bowels of hell during the withdrawals from benzos prescribed by MDs.
      How dare you mock their memories, their struggles, the utter hell they endured and the core people they were.

      1. My wife of 35 years attempted suicide ..luckily I found her laying on the floor in front of the door in a pool of her own blood .She slit her wrists. On Xanax for 3 years..Never seen it coming.

        1. I was taken off klonopin too fast and had a heart attack. The fear is still there.
          The hospital made fun of me. I left and had a heart valve blow. People do make fun of benzo withdrawal.think we making up things. A doctor tried to push more in me. I take one and half mill .5 s
          It a night mare to reduce just a half a pill.

          A European journal says reduce 2 days , go back same dose. 2 more days. Back For 6 weeks.
          Then another reduction

      2. Thank you so much for writing this article. I’ve felt incredibly misunderstood in my battle with benzodiazepine withdrawal. The doctors don’t understand or care. My mother didn’t understand for so long, but finally does. I’ve been so close to self inflicted death so many times…and I ask the doctor if in dropping patients unceremoniously like this do they expect an uptick in suicide?
        In answer to that question, and in my deepest pain, so deep that I tried to drown myself in a public toilet, in withdrawal, and not at all like myself–in response, I’ve been mocked, called a “doctor shopper,” and more.
        I go into withdrawal too often because doctors won’t prescribe to someone shaking all over with anxiety.
        Just thank you so much for bringing this issue to light and fighting for us and what we know is very real.
        Your friend, A

      3. Jane can you help me? I’ve been bedridden for over two years trying to come off this poison the benzos I have no help for my family from my doctor I’ve been as close to solitary confinement as it

    2. I’ve read too many accounts of the suffering caused by benzo withdrawal to think this is bullshit. Look at benzoreform.org which has information on benzo withdrawal syndrome. It’s real. It doesn’t affect everyone the same way so some people don’t suffer as much as others.

  4. I just sent an email to bic@benzoinfo.com. My comment I posted under your Suicide article posted, but then it was not there when I went back to article. I was asking did you use the Ashton method. I was encouraged to hear that you are almost off. Please reply asap. Thank you.

  5. Tell me about it! Omg suicide ideation is so common with Benzo WD. Especially when other meds are involved with suicidal ideation as a side effect. I tried to end my suffering 3 times. Bless the post man who noticed I wasn’t getting my mail from the mail box and he called the police to do a health ck on me! I was in a drug induced coma when they rushed me to the hospital. No one ever checked on me, ever!

  6. I planned to die tonight. I searched how to use clonazepam to do it, and ended up finding this site in the midst. Everything described in the beginning and in other people’s comments perfectly describes my life now; worthless…I can’t remember things, my cognitive function keeps decreasing, I have constant panic attacks, severe depression, cannot focus and concentrate to work anymore, suicide ideation has become quite regular, I’ve lost touch with God, isolated myself, lost most every friendship, the lust goes on. I’ve been taking 1 mg of it at night to help sleep for I don’t remember how many years. I’m going to guess and say 10-15. I am 57, currently on medical leave as an elementary teacher due to all the side affects. Tonight, this article saved my life! I barely have any strength left in me to fight this fight. I thought I was just completely flawed human being and accepted that there isn’t any hope for me. After reading the article and comments I’m going to taper off the Benzo one more time. I’ve tried several times in the past with no luck. Im SO THANKFUL I found this site and can’t thank all of you enough for sharing your stories because I’m hoping it will now help me.

    1. Hang in there. Please don’t end your life! I’m so grateful I got mine back after getting off all pharmaceuticals.

      1. Sandi thank you for replying and caring. It means SO much! I know you know. Can I ask how how long you were on Benzos and how long it took to get off?

    2. Jodi your story is the same as my own I have a drug councillor were I love in Glasgow and am on a methadone prescription and have been for the past 15years I have serious concerns over the way I’m being derived of valium I’m used to 25to40per day yet have been put on a detox of 4 5mg per day and that is the case with many other people who are in the process of getting this so-called help but more and more of us drug users are committing suicide as we are not being given the right dose or help I lost my friend coming up 3years and if he had been given the help he sought he’d still be with me please help us get the chance for change yours hopefully Mark Boyle castlemilk Glasgow

  7. may know some of your ages – never thought the ‘generation gap’ would include me as an old fart.the thing is, if a person dies of medical reasons, not suicide. cessation disease scares me way more… this seems to be a total surprise – one is walking the dog and can’t breathe, barely walk. what is good to eat? haven’t eaten in 3 tears. food tastes – gray, and l have eaten in some of the world’s best restaurants. some folks call them taverns. but where else? learn what’s shakin’, get drunk and full and maybe laid.. the best… stopped withdrawal doc cut me from 3mg to 2 at am, and 2 at bedtime. nuts l says. this guy’s finally flipped! he’s increasing the dose to where l was last year…ok… then on week 2, he puts it at – ta-da…1.5mg PER FREAKING DAY!!!!!! so, good sailorman that l am , l try. didn’t increase to 4 , was at 3 anyway! week 2: 1.5/day. tried, went up so as to go to new doc – l hope…then a long pause and a slow build-up? l don’t know. a lot of screaming and crying and other such histrionics. shit everywhere – no, l don’t like it either. so now l have gone back to 6mg/day. maybe more; hard to get it to settle down. had seizure couple hours ago, things look funny, getting the rats now and then all day since 0500 yesterday. my daughter came and wouldn’t talk this pm. maybe the weekend. thing is, l feel like l ‘m fixin’ to die, just anytime. what is it that kills ya? answer me that. thank you, if you read this latest short story. l like that. ttfn

  8. Klonopin and being polydrugged for over 10 years has left me a total shambles. To make matters worse, I am all alone and unable to even taper. I sit here in a wicked tolerance withdrawal. I was a once vibrant, energetic, intelligent, witty woman, who has now been reduced to a suicidal mess. Not a day goes by w/out 75+ symptoms. I’ve taken as prescribed and was told very easy to off of; it was given to me for tinnitus. I never had previous anxiety or depression and that is now my life. I’ll end up homeless or dead and unable to do a very, very slow taper in a safe home. There are those of us who are single and scared. We have no support. I never thought I need this level of support. I wish there was a nursing home or place that I could go, but it does not exist. I can barely walk to the mailbox in my moldy rental. What kind of life is this? It’s not.

    1. Hey Jayme. I understand your pain fully. I too am single. I have friends but none that can understand what I am going through. Plus I am too embarrassed to even tell them about it. Being all alone is a death sentence in itself. But.. I have been on 2 mg of Xanax for 5 years now through the VA. Now the VA says they will no longer refill any controlled substance prescriptions. So I can’t even taper off because they won’t give me anymore to do it with. I will be dead very soon I believe. I can not live like this. No quality of life whatsoever. It is a 24 hour a day nightmare.

      1. Chuck. Please to not submit to the horror permanently. I so know what you mean. You need a provider who will taper you, at least.
        Am I allowed to ask where you are? I want to be in contact with you..been there. It’s hell.

        1. I was prescribed clonazepam for 23 years, I was cut off cold once by a clueless doctor n had a seizure on day 3..destroyed my vision..I’m off now 7 months after a slow taper, during that abrupt cessation (3 months before reinstating) I was all alone n treated like trash by the medical profession but I was so use to being treated this way my whole life it didn’t shock me. Unreal how I survived those 3 months crawling on the floor unable to see, eat, sleep, hallucinations omg complete psychosis! Akasthisia pain! I wanted to throw myself (my body) in a woodchipper, I was hanging onto what little bit of sanity I had left. Years later I seen the doctor who cut me off cold in a grocery store n told her wtf she caused..n she smiled n replied yes it’s possible to have a seizure..I believe some doctors are psychopaths or sociopaths

  9. My incredibly vibrant and beautiful wife, the most amazing and unique soul I have ever met, the woman of my dreams who I was incredibly fortunate to spend over 24 years of my life with, tragically passed away 4 weeks ago. She took her life after enduring 7 months of pure hell caused by a CT detox off of Klonopin she had taken for over 20 years.

    The most beautiful woman I have ever known, with the most vivacious and magnetic personality I have ever encountered, completely lost this incredible personality along with her ability to think,
    remember, pick out an outfit, prepare a meal, sleep, drive, leave the house, sit still, read, see, be free from constant panic, be free from constant pain, and to control her muscles and involuntary body movements. At the end it looked like she was having a seizure that never subsided. She kept saying, “My son, my son. He’s going to get married and I’m not going to be able to walk down the aisle. I’m not going to be able to dance with him at his wedding. He’s going to have children and I’m not going to be able to hold them. How can I hold my grandchildren when I’m shaking like this constantly?”

    This incredible gift to the world was taken from us to soon by an ignorant and corrupt medical system that failed her completely for over 2 decades.

    Rest In Peace and Power my beautiful angel!

    1. I’m very sorry for your loss. That hit home hard. I’m on day 4 off after 8 years, the last 4 trying so hard to wean off scared drs would cut me off and I had to buy off the black market because the dr weaned me at 50% which is crazy. And I got floxed. I’m so sorry about your bea wife

  10. Thank you for this. I hope it is okay to repost this on my blog. I lost over twenty years of my life because of prescription Klonopin use, overuse and abuse. I nearly died numerous times from Klonopin overdose… I have been looking for you and your groups. I can relate to EVERYTHING in this post. You can check out my blog My Loud Whispers of Hope if you want. I write about my benzo use and withdrawals. After a year and a half of bring Benzo free I feel amazing. Being Benzo free is the most beautiful feeling I ever experienced. I’m enjoying the beauty of the living. My life has become more beautiful because I know what dying feels like… I was addicted to prescription Klonopin.

  11. Add my son to the list. On July 13th, he took his life. The day before he was making plans to record music and playing with the dogs. Then his script came in Klonopin, Ambien and Adderall… All from the same doctor
    The next day I found him in his car at a park. Gunshot wound to head. I see that picture every day all day. He thought he had Chronic Lyme Disease.

  12. I have been on klonopin 0.5mg 3x daily but last year went to twice a day. It’s weird because I tolerated it okay but since then I have been in the most severe depression I’ve ever seen and have had two serious suicide attempts. Problem is…what do I do? If it’s the Benzos, how much slower could I go down on them? My last hospital psych dr thinks I may need ECT.

    1. This is to give encouragement. After 8 years and the last 3 years of slow tapering I’m 4 days off with zero withdrawal symptoms. Ive had horrible withdrawal in the past, I was floxed, have had numerous seizures. Zero withdrawal this time. It can be done but on our own schedule. The doctors who put people in detox are killing people. Ripping them off meds is torture

  13. I have been on klonipin for ten years. My doctor is slowly lowering the mg. I went from 2mg twice a day, then 1mg twice a day, now 0.5mg twice a day. Last visit he informed me that benzos are not a maintenance drug. Yet he’s had me on them ten years. He said the DEA is cracking down on all doctors. After reading all the horror stories of withdrawal, I am scared because I know he’s getting ready to cut me off. I have GAD and epilepsy. Epilepsy is the reason I was put on benzos. It’s a shame what everyone is going through.

  14. Mayo Clinic calls the damage from benzodiazepines to our CNS (although they don’t come right out and admit it) “Central Sensitization Syndrome”

    “…From what I understand, the CSS concept comes from an attempt to apply central pain sensitization concepts (for which there is research for) to other symptoms (for which there is little or no research for.)”

    “… Basically any symptom or syndrome for which a physical cause can not be seen via conventional medical diagnostic techniques will fall under this CSS classification as far as I can tell.”

    1. WOW…I’m trippin’! I could have written this story myself because. it is so spot-on!!!
      !!! just got out of an EOD/Psych Ward about a month ago. I tried once again to take My life.
      This last time almost worked! I have been suicidal since 1996, with MULTIPLE attempts…some of them have left PERMANENT damage. Heart, liver, kidneys, so many SERIOUS health problems that I don’t know if I will make it through this. I am not
      .but…I was placed on Benzo’ some time in the late 80’s I think. I am still on them…my doctor knows I want to taper, however, when I started really tapering (without even being told by my p-doc…and the p-doc cut me again the next time too. My memory is SOOO BAD, that I hope to tell this story…and soon! I have called that National Suicide Prevention line hotline many many times since September the last two or three years have been so horrendous I couldn’t even begin to tell you the story I’m using my mic now because I’m too weak to text anymore I’ve dropped nearly a hundred pounds and been in the ER at least six times in the last three or four months with heart-related issues so I’m here to tell you this get off the dang benzos now now now now before you end up like me if anybody knows how to contact the author please send me an IM on FB under Kris Denison please

  15. Nancy,

    You seem to have a great deal of medical knowledge. Are you in the medical field by chance? Have you experienced Benzo Withdrawal? It’s not like anything else I’ve ever experienced and I’ve been through A LOT. The quote above that explains the justification of why people going through this want to die is the best anyone has put it. It’s living hell, and there’s nothing one can do to to control it, help it, or speed it up. It literally disables the brain and the body. I know people with Stage 4 cancer that have been through it that say Cancer is nothing compared to this. I feel like I’m burning alive except worse, because there’s no end to it. Dr. Ashton tried to educate the western world about this poison, but doctors just turned their back on her. The system is basically telling people to go kill themselves as they offer no help or support after doing this to people. These are fragile people who look up to the system for help in the first place and they aren’t as strong as others, but yet have to go through this torture and expect to make it out alive on their own?! Government run drug dealers are no better than drug dealers off the street. This will definitely be the next epidemic after Opiates. Dr. Ashton calls this a Pandemic. It’s cruel and unusual punishment, something the Western world truly believes, yet doesn’t recognize when it comes to this poison.

    1. Never mind, I see that you are in the same boat as us. I can’t really concentrate when I’m constantly BURNING and I can’t read anymore. I have less capability right now mentally and physically than I did when I was 5. WTF did we all do to deserve this punishment?! I lost all respect for doctors (except for naturpaths, and functional medicine)

        1. I don’t trust medical professionals anymore anyway. It’s okay, I trust real life experience. Right now I’m feeling a severe wave and feel extremely suicidal. Honestly if I had an easy way out, I would take it in a heart beat. I have tried everything. I’m eating healthy, going to bed early, going for walks, taking many expensive high grade supplements, powders, eating lots of vegetables, trying to be positive. NOTHING helps most of the time. I see so many horror stories of people being out years and still suffering. I’m only at 7 months and it seems to just be beginning. I don’t know how much longer I can hang on. Thank you for all the valuable information Nancy.

        2. Here’s what I’m currently taking everyday.

          Lauricidin (Monolaurin supplement) (Gut and bacteria repair)
          1/2 serving of UltraInflamX Plus 360 (Medical food vitamin)
          Acerola Powder (Natural Vitamin C, Antioxidants)
          ALA supplement (Nerve pain, but doesn’t help much)
          NAC supplement (Regulates Glutamate)
          Marshmallow root (For inflammation and bladder issues)
          Fish Oil (Inflammation)
          CoQ10 (For depression and head pain)
          Nutritional Yeast (Natural source of vitamins)
          RSO CBD Oil (For everything)

          Nothing gives me significant relief. 🙁

      1. You can add my name to the list. I will be taking an early exit from this world. I feel guilty, ashamed, and bad for doing this. But, benzos (doctor prescribed) have destroyed my life. I can’t even tolerate anyw reduction at all because of tolerance. Its been 28 months, nothing has gotten better. Today I was so desperate I took double my dose, just for 1 day of relief as I plan on leaving this world this month, and it did not help at all. So even if I got a doctor onboard with updosing me to get stable and then do a very slow taper, it wouldnt matter.

        Each day I wake up in a confused state of panic, I cant work, I cant do anything accept suffer, go to sleep, and sleep for 4 hours only to wake up and live the same torture. The neurological damage has been done, and doctors adding drugs like gabapentin and lamictal just made things worse in the long run.

        No one who has not been through this can possibly imagine the agony both physical and mental these drugs can put a person through, and no one believes it’s possible.

        I do not encourage anyone to take there own life, for me i have fought as long as I can.

        Let this be a cautionary tale to all those looking at anti anxiety and anti convulsant drugs.

        I loved life, I love this world. Benzos took it all from me, I havent felt anything but pain and suffering for over 2 years, no hope, no joy, and I am still taking these damn things just to continue this suffering.

  16. 7 Months out from 8 months usage of .5 mg of Klonopin every other day after being diagnosed with GAD caused by 12 years of using Ambien. First 3 months were pure hell, stabilized a little however my physical symptoms seem to be getting worse. Have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, IC, IBD, MDD, GAD, Prostatitis, Psoriasis, and many more..I have every symptom known to man kind. Thanks to a small pink pill that I was told is harmless along with Ambien, I am no longer an Engineer making good money, instead I am on disability. I lost my house, car, friends, hobbies, can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t sit for long, can’t walk for long, can’t even hardly type anymore. I was poly drugged (was on 17 different psych meds in 8 years) during the time on Ambien, and I cold turkeyed Zyprexa, Cymbalta, Kratom, Cannibas and made it through all of those. Now my Klonopin CT of only .5 mg every other day is so brutal that I am debating on jumping in front of a bus and getting crushed as I feel like that is a better option than this hell I’m in. I know things may get better, but to top it off, I also have had 5 shoulder surgeries, complex regional pain syndrome in both hands, and have autoimmune conditions. I can’t move my arms, use my hands, my skin is so dry that I’m literally bleeding all the time for no reason. So not to discourage others because my situation is FAR worse than the average person, but poisoning me and turning their back on me leaves me no option. I’m only 36, however feel like I’m 90 and truly wish to die. I live with my parents and can’t even make my own bed, feed myself, and can barely shower or dress myself. Klonopin is the devil’s drug. I never did illicit drugs EVER to protect my mind and body, and instead a stupid @#$#@ doctor was 10x worse. I lived a clean, healthy, honest, drug free life. Now I would do anything for a bottle of Nembutal as I don’t deserve this torture. I don’t know if my shoulders and hands are messed up because of the withdrawal, or if it’s an underlying condition. Don’t currently have insurance, and I don’t trust ANY doctors anymore. I am a victim, and I at least deserve assisted suicide because I didn’t do this to me, the medical system did. They are responsible :(

  17. I’m writing this about my wife who is almost 3 years benzo free after a not recommended ct detox. I have been her caretaker throughout this process as she continues to suffer. My comments today are about her suicide attempts while on Xanax for 15 + years. She attempted suicide 4 times during those years which always led to an increase in some psychiatric drug which of course never really helped. Of course we didn’t know the drugs were the cause. So finally when she decided to get off the drugs, after her detox, then came her 5th suicide attempt which she survived. There is no doubt in my mind that the drugs drove her to this. Of course no one believes this, especially the doctors. They all blame underlying psychological factors. Through this experience I have come to learn that if a person is not a victim of benzo withdrawal, they will not believe even if they are on benzos. I myself have tried to warn friends of mine about the possible disaster they were facing. Thank God some did listen.

  18. Hi, It was unusual to see someone posting with the name Beth. My name is Beth, too. This article struck a deep chord with me and I cried while reading it. I reply on almost every article of bic, and repeat that awful truth of my brother who committed suicide after an abrupt withdrawal from klonopin at a residential detox facility. It’s all I can do to share my sadness on this website about how such a beautiful human being’s life was ruined by klonopin and it’s aftermath. I was curious about the 2018 veteran study, because my brother was also a veteran. It appalls me how misinformed and ignorant the medical community is about benzodiazepines. I personally know many doctors. Only a few understand the impact of trying to get off benzos. Ironically, because I saw someone mention kaiser permanente on here, the only two doctors out of all that I spoke with that had any understanding of the need to taper and not stop abruptly were Kaiser docs. I do not understand how, in general, the medical community is so unaccepting of the damage by benzos. Especially psychiatrists. Benzos have been around for so long. How do they not know? I made an FDA complaint after my brother died, I reported the facility to DHCS in the state of CA, and I reported all of the doctors associated with the facility where my brother received “treatment”. Unfortunately, all this does is leave a trail for the next person who gets hurt. I can’t even leave Yelp reviews because the owner has them removed. Even though I have had contact with several other people who received similar poor care at the facility (though none died, thankfully). This place is still allowed to give treatment for detoxing people on benzos. In fact, they advertise on their website that they SPECIALIZE in klonopin, Ativan, Xanax, and valium detox. The owner is completely protected legally (because someone else, not me, tried to sue them regarding detox from another benzo) and the lawyers said that they did not have a strong case because of all of the waivers signed prior to treatment. However the facility said they would not even treat the client unless the waivers were signed! How are people supposed to get help when they need it to get off of benzodiazepines when the “experts” don’t even know what they are doing and cause people harm? Why was my brother allowed to take klonopin for 6 years, prescribed by a general practitioner, and then abruptly withdrawn causing seizures and PAWS, ultimately causing him so much terror and disassociation and countless other ungodly withdrawal symptoms so that he thought the only way out was death? How is this allowed to happen?

    Thank you for your well written and informative article. And also thank you for the trigger warning at the beginning of the article.

  19. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been on low dose for 28 yrs. I have become tolerant. I was suicidal so they sent me to ER. They added other psych drugs. I’m not better. No one understands me. The psychiatrist also told me that I’m on such a low dose I can come off easy. I need to up all my meds first. I have not even began to taper as I’m already so scared. I already feel no way out. I can’t face what is to come.

    1. Well, Rosa, those of us “who have “been there” know that you are telling it exactly as it is. When a benzo’s harm begins to show, a psyche will dole out a new drug for each symptom while ignoring the root cause of the symptoms. It is difficult to forgive this lack of education.

      The Kaiser Permanente benzo-taper is just unbelievably harmful, and it comes with no testing or scientific basis. I was a victim of this strident ignorance. I was severely physically damaged by these people, and I disenrolled in an indescribable condition, but my escape allowed me to saved my life.

      I had no psychiatric symptoms. I had bizarre paresthesia and pain beyond what I had thought possible. Drugging this condition was clearly irrelevant to the condition. I was able to access my “records” . Oh my goodness reading that malicious fiction made my decision to rethink the problem. Times and dates were inserted long after the fact.
      After this medical abuse, I forged my rule. I always ask why I should believe the beliefs being applied to me. Is a method actually validated by scientific method? Or is the method promoted by ad hominem argument?

      My take away: really ubiquitous benzo information remains untested. I always ask, not who wrote the text, but what evidence is there to rely upon it? I agree that reading is good, but read with a questioning manner.

      If you read that; ” benzo withdrawal is no more harmful than being overheated while chasing a bus” and your skin is burning and you are in extreme physical pain do you conclude that the author is correct and your own experience is faulty? When you are told to make a big dosage cut and told to just wait and do it again a week or two later for a better result, do you set aside your intelligence and really expect a different result? We are told to do exactly that. This breeds helplessness and more dependence on spurious claims. Helplessness fuels suicidal ideation. It doesn’t have to end in this way

      I looked into the ways that Holocaust survivors go on . They live with an overwhelming past. They do two things. They counsel fellow survivors, and they use art to express what they feel. This has been so helpful in rebuilding life post benzos.

      1. J Hill thank you for your response.
        I blindly started a taper on my .375mg rivotril and went into severe withdrawal. Stupid me I went back up to .375mg for a few weeks before updosing to .4ml on Feb 8. I am still in tolerance withdrawl. The docs added seroquel and Tradozone but it’s not helping. I just found this site and read Ashton Manual. I did everything wrong. I did not know how awful this withdrawal is. I have SI thoughts already and I’m in only in tolerense. Imagine for 28 yrs that dose put me to sleep. My docs told my it was such a low dose. Why ruin a good thing??

  20. Nancy,
    Please don’t give up. I am in very rough shape. This may sound selfish,,,,,I need you,,? I need all of you. I am here for you. My confusion keeps me somewhat separate. Hearing your words gives me a line of hope

  21. Great article, this is not talked about enough. I suspected there were many suicides, not surprised. I hope others outside the benzo community that can make a difference read this.
    I’ve been going through this for over 11 years including a severe setback, I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel.

  22. Excellent article. Thank you.
    All so,heartbreaking. I am desperate for some relief as well. It’s inhumane what we are faced with. Just surviving 5 minutes of this is brutal. Let alone this 24/7 constant torcher. I lost a dear friend to suicide also. His family did not believe that this was real. He was faced with being hospitalized. We all know what that means. He chose to leave this world his way. Rather than let the system kill him. The suffering pure torcher was just to much. I face this everyday. I want to live !!! But I also don’t want to suffer anymore. I have lost everything. And everyone I ever cared about. Am ow 70 lbs lighter skin and bones. I am eating but my body is stuck on flight or fight. Akathisia burning the food as fast as I eat it. It feels like my body is eating its self so painful. …l.l Terrified …..This is the evilest thing I have ever known.
    My family doesn’t care. They don’t care ! They don’t believe me. Why because there’s no doctor to back me up. Lost I am lost.

  23. Excellent article JC. Spot on! I’m 68 months post ashton taper and very much disabled and often tortured by protracted symptoms, serious cognitive and memory issues, physical and neuropic pain.

  24. Almost 21 months off barley holding on my symptoms are beyond cruel and unbearable burning debilitating crippling pain, I can’t sit or lay down without excruciating pain and never any silence or sleep I’m bedbound in the most horrific pain my husband resigned to care for me after a forced wd , I hope I heal I’m suicidal on a daily bases , my these sweet souls Rest In Peace

    1. Hi Yvonne,
      What are your main SX’s now at 21 month out? What benzo did you detox? How long were you on it. I am still trying to get off valium.

  25. I think this is your best piece thus far and I thank you so much for writing it. If every doctor in the world read it and then heeded it, a lot of people would be saved.

  26. This is so sad,i am addicted to Ativan, Temazepam, and Remeron. I took them since I lost my parents, I thought the doctor was helping me, but he handed me a death sentence. I have bad tinnitus also and really suffering, please someone help me before i’m gone, I have no support, help me.

  27. I know several people diagnosed with MS, as myself. One definitely committed suicide, the other I’m not sure of because they only said it was complications from MS; which my 10 years in bed, living on liquids was also blamed on MS.